remembering capacity

a look into my thought archive

Jun 03, 2024

The thought archive

So much is moving in this world. We are continuing to see children, families, people, land, and so much spirit being murdered senselessly. Through Israeli forces with the United State’s weapons, through the gun violence in our cities, towns and streets, through lack of access for care to create a transformative system. Within all of this, I continue to remind myself that it is essential to take a step back and remember the shape and feelings of capacity within my body.

As I was reflecting on my capacity and how to engage with this newsletter I decided to reach into a thought tangent archive that I keep organized on Notion (xoxo Notion). I found myself resonating with so many old thoughts and feelings, while also craving the need to revisit the questions I was asking myself at a few points in time. Digging in and reflecting about where I am in the place and space I take up, and what this mean, is a vital part of my process to decolonize my brain and body, and allow me to be vulnerable to the changes that have (or have not) come.

From December 2022:

On feeling like I need to apologize for who I am:
The body is not an apology, but what about my brain? Is there something to bridge this gap? Objectively, the brain is part of the body, but how do I get these two to connect?

On the fear of being selfish:
Where is this living? What are the losses? What are the outcomes? Why am I terrified of it? Is being selfish as evil as I am socialized to believe?

On change:
I have changed, I do change. How do I maintain relationships where ideas and expectations are kept the same and limit the space for growth and transformation. There are values based discussions and decisions here, but there is only so much that one can singularly manage.

On mood check ins:
How interesting to see evidence of how the dissonance with pleasure can be so real. Evidence can provide trust for what is real. Shows disconnects when I have a difficult time processing what mood means and feels. Why is the smile on a mood scale so terrifying?

The Studio

Goodness me am I tired! I have been pulling back from outward events and using the studio space for healing and energy building (AKA I’ve been quiet on this front for some time now). With that said, the space is always here for building and creating. If you see a niche you want to explore and need space for it, hit me up!

General information about the space:

We are currently looking for a band and/or musicians to share our space with! If you are interested, or know someone that may be, please reach out!
Studio space is located at 4541 N Ravenswood Ave
Have ideas or want to collaborate with the space? Please reach out at ducksfloat@gmail.com
Interested in learning more about donating to the space? Find more information here.
Needing a space for solo project time? Let me know and I would love to share space!